How to Handle an Interfering Mom

posted on 24 March 2017 by The Tie The Knot Team
posted to Wedding Etiquette, Wedding Tips & Advice

Interfering Mom

Let’s face it – you know your mother or future in law has the best intentions when it comes to making your wedding days extra special. But, it becomes very difficult when she’s a bit of a meddlesome mom. A bossy boots. A downright interferer.

Here are some tips for dealing with an interfering mom in a gentle, but effective way:

1. Listen to her ideas and try to compromise where possible, even if only in small things. She may have some good suggestions, and relenting a little is likely to make her feel involved and, maybe, prevent her from becoming pushier in other matters.

2. Finalise all of the important things before she gets involved. This way, you are guaranteed that the parts of your day that mean the most to you are set in stone, and her influence is less likely to make any major impact.

3. Warn the wedding planner and service providers – tell them that your mom is likely to try to take charge, and give them guidelines and boundaries so that they follow your instructions and not hers (unless they’re in line with yours). This includes briefing the wedding DJ not to accept music or special requests from her and to tell the make-up and hair artists to stick to the styles that you agreed on ahead of time (with the input of your mom).

4. Keep her busy by assigning her tasks that are not as important to you. For example, if you feel that she could do a fair job organising the post-wedding ‘thank you’ lunch for your wedding party, let her run with that. Think about her strengths, and leave her in charge of something you know she’ll be good at and enjoy.

5. If your mom (or future mom-in-law) is someone that thrives on getting attention and recognition for her work, ask one of your good, patient and understanding friends to be her emotional cheerleader. She can give her the praise and recognition that she craves, while taking the load off your shoulders.

6. Have a sense of humour and be flexible. Is it really the end of the world if you use the florist your mom recommended instead of the one you found online? Could you ease up a bit and include your aunt Gertrude in the celebrations?

7. Communication is paramount if you are going to work together with your mom. Try to be honest and direct, without ever becoming hurtful or disrespectful.

Planning your wedding is exciting, but there’s also a fair amount of stress and tension involved. Try to keep your perspective and be patient with your mom, who likely just wants the best for you.  If you get this balance right, she may be able to take a lot of the pressure off.

Happy Wedding Planning!
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