There are some pretty unrealistic expectations about marriage. Some of us, who have co-habited may already have put many of these to bed. Even so, there tends to hover around the idea of ‘marriage’ certain ideas we have about our partners, and about the way we ‘should’ be together.
Hearing from people who have already been there – their ‘truths’ about marriage – may better inform your entrance into marriage.
According to Sheryl Paul, a counsellor and author, in an article on premarital wisdom, marriage is one of the most neglected areas for realistic discussion on expectations.
There are plenty of personality compatibility tests, and sex quizzes that she says make up premarital classes, but the nitty gritty of daily living is largely ignored. These are a collection of comments she has compiled from her clients:
- It’s okay not to like your partner
- It’s okay, and even healthy, to want to be alone for a day or more
- It’s okay not to want to do everything with your partner
- It’s okay to find others attractive (acting on it is a different matter)
- It’s okay to feel love, hatred, annoyance, ambivalence and love again, all within the space of an hour
- It’s okay to want to do ‘me’ things
- It’s okay to have differences of opinions – it doesn’t make one of you right, and the other wrong
- It’s okay not to want sex all the time
- It’s okay to feel bored
- It’s okay not to miss your partner every time you’re away from one another
- It’s okay to have doubts (voice them)
- It’s okay if you don’t think each and every one of your partner’s jokes is funny
- It’s okay to feel awkward around one another
- It’s okay to feel annoyed
- It’s okay to feel really, really challenged
- It’s okay when it gets hard
- It’s okay to expect different things
- It’s okay to want to please your partner
- It’s okay to stay true to yourself
- It’s okay to celebrate the ‘you’ in the partnership
- It’s okay to voice your preferences
- It’s okay to ask for help
- It’s okay to need different things
- It’s okay to want to make friends outside of the relationship
Happy Wedding Planning!