Friends of mine, who recently got married, were pregnant within six months of their wedding date. Whilst some might raise their eyebrow and wonder at the lack of together time, there was a reason. She was already 40 and wanted a child as soon as possible.
Which simply reconfirms the age-old adage – each to his own.
There is no perfect time for children. Nor is there a guarantee that waiting years to first lay a solid foundation for your togetherness will ensure your relationship lasts beyond children.
Still, most people put forward the hypothesis that waiting a year or two after marriage is probably optimal.
Twilight star Nikki Reed, and her new husband Paul McDonald, definitely do not want children any time soon. She says: ‘Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like it’s a mistake for people to get married and then just have kids right away.’
But then she’s all of 24 with a movie career ahead of her, if she plays her cards right.
The accepted maxim or wisdom, when it comes to ‘how soon’ is: wait a couple of years. Why? The idea is that you and your spouse will need time to get used to being married, for even if you’ve lived together for years there is a change, albeit subtle, that comes with marriage. It also gives the two of you time to plan and travel, if that’s what you want to do.
Having a baby is something both of you need to welcome, and something for which you need to feel ready. There is a general consensus that adding a child to the mix of marriage is daunting. If there are already issues then these become accented. And sleepless nights with an additional change in routine are enough to test the most solid of relationships.
How soon is too soon? Things to consider:
- Your fertility (which begins to decline in your 30s)
- Your energy levels
- Your state of readiness
- Financial security
- Your emotional readiness
There is no magic formula for baby readiness. Each couple has a different agenda and a timeline in mind.
Happy Wedding Planning!