Year one of marriage: the hardest

posted on 28 November 2011 by The Tie The Knot Team
posted to Wedding Tips & Advice

marriage-year-one

“Happy forever after”, despite being the characteristic finale to just about every fairytale, does not automatically kick-in the day after the wedding. For those of you with Cinderella and Snow White complexes, this may come as a surprise – no, seriously, admit that you thought it did!

And I can just see the knowing look in the eyes of those of you who have co-habited with your soon-to-be spouse. You think this doesn’t apply to you? But it does. The first year of marriage, according to some, can feel as though you’ve moved to a foreign country.

There are numerous reasons why, and for each couple the stressors will differ, but they can include any of the following:

  • Having numerous friends/family come to stay – particularly those who might have missed the wedding and think that newly wed couples want company
  • Discovering you have major differences over the balance of household chores – suddenly having to always wash-up and cook loses its romantic appeal
  • The psychological implications of never having another sexual relationship outside of your marriage, ever!
  • All your problems are now that of your spouse, and vice versa – whilst before there was a certain distance when your spouse’s best friend took to drink, now any stress your spouse feels impacts directly on your relationship, and becomes your problem too
  • Baggage from each of your families puts in an appearance – before you married your partner, you might not have expected that they change the lightbulbs, but now that you’re married, well, your father used to do all that, so why aren’t they?

The stress of all or even one of the above (and others not mentioned) take their toll in the way you behave towards one another. You will find that, far from being one another’s biggest supporters, you become one another’s greatest critics and expect far more of one another than you ever thought possible.

But as long as you’re in the same place about the ‘big stuff’ – like finance, family, future children, where you’re headed – then you can learn to deal with the ‘small stuff’ and learn to fight fair over the dishes, and laugh at it afterwards.

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