Don’t Let Myths about Second Weddings Get you Down: Part 1 – The Wedding

Second Wedding Myths ~ I was at a bridal fair with a friend a couple of years ago and I remember over hearing one of the stall holders loudly exclaiming “Ag what nonsense man! I’m getting married for the second time this year and I’m going all out! White dress and everything!”

At the time my first husband and I were on the precipice of our first separation and even though I wanted to kill my friend for dragging me to this stupid fair (few things less fun than a bridal fair while you’re having marriage problems!) the lady’s attitude made me smile and it was one of those moments that I have carried with me for a long time. Here was this fabulous woman in her forties. Rotund. Vibrant. Happy. And she was not about to let anyone rain on her happiness parade.

There seems to be some sort of strange universal idea that getting married for the second time means that the wedding doesn’t really matter. It’s bad enough that so many religious institutions make second marriages so complicated, but what’s worse is that when you’re engaged to be married for the second time everyone from your grandmother to random business acquaintances who you have barely spoken three words to will have an opinion on it and it can start to get kind of stressful and quite frankly insulting.

“You’ve been married before so you really don’t have to bother with a big wedding this time.”
“Well obviously you aren’t planning to wear white, are you?”
“Hopefully this one will stick, hey?”

Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, life sometimes means having to listen to (hopefully) well-meaning people saying stupid things that sometimes make you want to punch them in the face. What’s worse is that it is likely that you already have a bunch of your own silly misconceptions rolling around in your head and all the stupid things people say are just making it worse.

Now I can’t give you permission to punch anyone in the face, but what I can do is hopefully ease your weary mind a little.

Myth #1: Second Weddings Should Be Small

Um… no. Just because you are getting married for the second time doesn’t mean that you should do the “reasonable” thing and go and get married by a justice of the peace wearing a purple pant suit at 11 am on a Thursday morning. If you want a big wedding have a big wedding! If you want a small wedding have a small wedding and if you want to get married at the court house wearing a purple suit…please do so! It is still your choice.

Are you hearing the emphasis here? Do what you want! Yes, maybe you had a great big wedding last time. How does that have anything to do with where you are in your life right now? How does that have anything to do with the commitment you are making to your new husband? As “reasonable” as these well-meaning friends and family members might be when throwing out the “it’s your second wedding so it can be nice and small” advice, it is very difficult not to hear “this isn’t special because you have done it before”…and that, my dear Bride-for-the-Second-Time, is utter nonsense.

You may, of course, choose to do things more low-key for other reasons. Perhaps finances won’t allow for a big wedding or you would simply prefer to spend that kind of money elsewhere. Just don’t let anyone tell you what kind of wedding to have because you’ve already done this before. Pfft to them! It really is your choice. And guess what? Judgemental people can be walked away from!